How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
