I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
