How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
