Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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