it wasn't lemon gatorade
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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