Please, let me fuck your mom
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
