Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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