I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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