Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
