I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
