Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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