sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
