I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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