You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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