I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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