Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
