yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
