This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
