Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
