Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
