this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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