bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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