omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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