And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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