So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
