No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
