Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
