Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
