He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
