wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
