Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
