I seem to have left my pride at pride
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
