i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Randomize
