if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
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