I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
