In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
