i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
