so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
