Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
