She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
