I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
