think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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