You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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