Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
