Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
