The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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