i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
