Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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