Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she peed on how many people?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
