wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
