So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
