My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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