4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
