U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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