She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
