she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
