ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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