Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
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