just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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