and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
